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Wellness - Maintaining a healthy and loving relationship  Most
of us want to fall in love, be in love and stay in love
and magically live happily ever after… as the
story goes. We merge placing our soul in the hands of
the other expecting that the relationship will provide
all our happiness. We even expect our partner to know
exactly what, when and how to provide this.But fulfilling relationships do not happen automatically and they don't happen when the relationship is driven by a need rather than caring. If the relationship is going to grow we must give it our time and attention. We must each give to the other and not just be focused on what it is that we need. But often the relationship gets puts aside as the daily task of life take over. We barely have time for ourselves with our life schedule, work schedule or kid's schedules, let alone making time to focus on and give to our partner. We become distracted and tension builds up each person feeling that his/her needs for intimacy are not getting met. Each partner is waiting for the other to do something about it. When a long time has gone by without intimacy, neither one wants to make the first move toward the other. (I call this the big stand off) Reaching out by either person does not takeplace. I see this so often in my psychotherapy office with couples who have not taken responsibility and brought to the relationship what was needed.
We all recognize that we need to tune up our cars, but we do not think of tuning up our relationships. We take more time with our homes, painting, fixing, redecorating, reconstructing etc. but we do not take the time with our relationships.Tensions then build up. As with anything we aspire to, the more we put in the more we will get back. Look, for example, at a plant's life. Plants need care in order to survive and grow. They need water, fertilizer, light and air. If we do not give them these essential elements they will wither and die. Relationships are no different, they need certain essential elements in order for them to grow and proper or they too may die on the vine. Couples
need romantic time and fun together, they need a sense
of security and commitment, and they need meaningful
communication. This will keep the spirit in the relationship
and allow each to open to the other to the point where
intimacy can occur.
Here
are some ways to achieve these essential elements so
you can maintain a healthy and loving relationship.
Integrate them into your daily life as best you can,
but start today.
Changing your relationship will take discipline, intention and courage. Be patient with yourself, praise yourself for all your efforts and listen to your soul sing. As we love others we are connecting with our true essence and being who we really are. If relationships are based on getting our needs met instead of by caring they are not likely to bring happiness.
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What
happens then is that there is a great deal to clean
up that has been swept under the rug. I have to work
at pealing away minor and major conflicts, disagreements,
hurts, before I can get to the core problem which
is that each person's core need to be loved and cared
for is not getting met.
1.Developing
romantic and fun time together. Set up your schedule
to include time together. Be realistic with the
amount of time your set aside. It is very important
to be consistent. 
3.
Establishing meaningful communication. We do this
by being open and honest with who we are and what
we feel. We make request instead of demands, we
watch our tone, and listen carefully to our partner.
We share our hopes and dreams. We do this hopefully
from a place of peace rather than a place of fear
or blame.
